An Emotional Note from Last Week

It's been hell in the department of social relationship for me last week. Funny.... The mistakes did not come from me, yet I didn't do anything to make the situation better. It's in my nature : too lazy to explain mysef or to say the reason of my decision.

It's uncomfortable to know that you are to blame for the misfortunes that happen to other(s). But there are cases when you ARE too lazy to explain or to get things straight simply because you know it's useless to even start explaining. You know you'd fail to make him/ her to REALLY listen.

Just like this case I had....

She said she couldn't come to workSaturday so she asked someone to substitute. Apparently, she didn't know she'd need to arrange permissions for asking a substitute. So I text her. I didn't ask her not to be absent (just like what she did to her teachers...), instead I asked her to settle the permit.

She decided to come to work anyway.... Nobody knew the reason why....

Then, on that day, many people had their test with the interview. There were 20. I only knew there would be nine on the day before. Who could have guessed that 11 more registered in the early morning?

Then, a staff suggested her to have some help from a stand-by-er. It's a standard procedure so the test takers don't have to wait too long to finish. She said no. "Don't want any trouble," she said.

(Wait, wait, wait... so there were 20 test takers, all with interviews, and she didn't ask for any help? Well... as silly as the reason why she didn't want to be helped sounded, it's HER decision, right?)

I came in the afternoon, thinking maybe the teachers need my help with the decoration for the next week's contest. When I saw people were waiting outside, I immediately asked the staff to prepare the interview booklet so I could help. But, those people were done with the interview, so I returned to my work of cutting and pasting the paper characters with the teachers. By that time, I already heard the complaint,"Somebody is 'fooling around' with me".

She finished her job of testing people eventually. It took her almost 5 hours to finish and I knew she must have felt very tired by the time she came into the teachers' room. She said hello, ONLY to a colleague of mine who was sitting next to me. Then she told her how she didn't get enough sleep after being a committee member in her neighborhood. She mentioned her activities as chairman of this and that and how she liked them. (Jaka sembung bawa golok...). And then, she finally asked me, 'Can I go home now?' With so many things to finish for the decoration which was due on monday and she assigned the teachers just on thursday, that question sounded very trivia to my ears. But I said, 'Why not?' (sigh....). She did go home.

Then, a friend told me on Tuesday how 'she' reacted to what happened the week before in front of her colleagues. She said that she felt 'cheated'. 'Someone is trying to kill me,' she said. 'I don't like her when she's around. She's spying on us.' My fried also told me that she told her, 'I cried on my way home, bu.'

WOW... talk about being the most miserable person in the world that day? And I AM to blame?

First, I didn't say she can't be absent, right? I said, 'Ask for a permit'.
Second, there was someone to help her with the 20 test takers, if she chose to. But she didn't. For a reason not to make trouble? What kind of reason was that?
Third, the data on friday said there would be 9 people. Who could tell 11 more would register?
And she's blaming ME?
Tsk... tsk... tsk....

I am SPYING on her? What she doesn't know was restraining not to be in her section just to give the newcomers some space was hard to do. But I have to managed for THEIR sake.... And she's telling others this?
Tsk...tsk...tsk....

Do you think I need to explain myself to her? That question does not even require a long consideration. I know the answer....