The Biggest Failure

'Yes, miss. We've run out of ideas. We tried hard to get the score because we feel terrible if we disappoint our parents. That's why we did whatever we thought possible to make us pass'.

These words came from a student of mine. And during the last part of his so-called 'confession', he closed his face with the test booklet. It was so clearly seen that he was embarassed.

I personally think that people, no matter how hard the situation is, should not 'do whatever it takes'. They have conscience. That's an only reason that refrains people from doing the wrong things. I'm too naive perhaps. :)

This student who spoke is one of the smartest and the only one who has shown great progress during my sessions. He deliberately let others copy his work so that everybody could pass and they'd end up being together in a foreign country for study. The idea that each of his friend is going to need more than a score of 550 to 'survive' in the academic world 'jungle' and thus failure that instead would come after being a student abroad seemed had slipped off his mind somehow.

I mentioned that I had my suspicions. The content of that confession proved that I was right. That's why, for the test last Saturday, I insisted that they're given 2 forms. The result? Well, only 1 student got above 500. Some others had 5 and 9 correct answers for their 50-number listening problems. The student who got 537 in the last test before this one now received 317.How odd.

When my friends in HQ checked the answer sheets, they showed that some students had copied their friend's answers without realizing that they're copying the answers of the different form! I know they are not really good in English, but I expect them to be able to use their logic, right? ARGH! They are SO DESPERATE!!!

I am truly sorry to say that, during our 36-hour encounters, they've learnt nothing from me. Not strategies in doing the test, not manner or attitude, and definitely not integrity, determination or perseverance.:(

Though my director said that I'd done everything I could and asked me to just let go, why do I still feel that this is my biggest failure in the entire history of my life as a teacher?