I reach my hand for my cell and start typing the name.
But then something stops me, just when his number appears.
I'm not sure what. I put it back on the computer desk.
Notice, I don't put it out of my sight!
ARGH! Talk about weeeeaaaakkkkkk!!! You're WEAK, Daaaafffffff!!!
My eyes return to the computer screen.
Typing the words for this posting.
After a few minutes....
I look at my cell again.
Feel like I've done it tens of times.
Wanting to take the phone, dial his number and ask how he's doing.
I reach for it. Again.
I look at the wallpaper.
I push 'names'.
'search'.
But then I stop.
I know now.
It's my logic.
I think with my heart when wanting to call him.
I use my brain that says, 'Are you nuts?'
I put it on my computer desk. Not OUT OF MY SIGHT.
AAAARRRRRGHHHHH!!! YOU'RE PATHETIC, Daaaaffffff!
Ugh! Hate this feeling.
Hate it! Hate it! Hate iiiiiiitttt!!!!
Not to call is excrutiating because even now I still couldn't shake his weary face and his tired tone out of my head. He is, far deep deep down, still a friend. That's my heart talking. But I know that an act of compassion could be a key to a pandora box. Show how care I am and then I am doomed one more time. Knowing him.
No, no, no.
I'll be here.
Watching from afar.
I do care, but I am not ready to go through the phase one single time. Again?
No, no, no.
This time, my brain wins.:-)
But then something stops me, just when his number appears.
I'm not sure what. I put it back on the computer desk.
Notice, I don't put it out of my sight!
ARGH! Talk about weeeeaaaakkkkkk!!! You're WEAK, Daaaafffffff!!!
My eyes return to the computer screen.
Typing the words for this posting.
After a few minutes....
I look at my cell again.
Feel like I've done it tens of times.
Wanting to take the phone, dial his number and ask how he's doing.
I reach for it. Again.
I look at the wallpaper.
I push 'names'.
'search'.
But then I stop.
I know now.
It's my logic.
I think with my heart when wanting to call him.
I use my brain that says, 'Are you nuts?'
I put it on my computer desk. Not OUT OF MY SIGHT.
AAAARRRRRGHHHHH!!! YOU'RE PATHETIC, Daaaaffffff!
Ugh! Hate this feeling.
Hate it! Hate it! Hate iiiiiiitttt!!!!
Not to call is excrutiating because even now I still couldn't shake his weary face and his tired tone out of my head. He is, far deep deep down, still a friend. That's my heart talking. But I know that an act of compassion could be a key to a pandora box. Show how care I am and then I am doomed one more time. Knowing him.
No, no, no.
I'll be here.
Watching from afar.
I do care, but I am not ready to go through the phase one single time. Again?
No, no, no.
This time, my brain wins.:-)
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