2009 is probably one of the worst years of my life. The first place is still 2004, the year when my Mom died. In 2009 obstacles in life get bigger. How can it not when it involves family? Sharing someone who has lived with you your entire life can never be more difficult. There's no solution or consolation. I could only confide in Him and the situation often makes me miss my Mom more and more. Sometimes I feel ashamed for not being able to keep my promise to Mom on the day she died: to keep the family together. It's such a tough job, eventually I realize.
But, family also gives me a reason to love life. To cherish it. Not to forget that there are other things I can achieve in life. I can still do some good.
Loving my nephew is such an easy thing. He is a reminder of my past and a hope of my family's future. Through the ordeals newly weds usually undergo, his parents struggle to fulfill his needs. Chipping in by buying him clothes, toys, everyday needs and chances to keep my sister and her hubby happy by cooking for them makes me feel I belong to a family.
My visits to Mom's relatives were more than social visits. I am so glad that I could clear things up. I should have visited my Dad's too then but time wasn't on my side. Oh my. Did I just write my first resolution?
I was lucky enough to have the chance to take my leave for those social visits. Work was hectic. The section I was in now only have two officers. I tried to help in any way I can though sometimes I felt that my colleague needed more help than I could offer. A change of leader brought new fresh air at work and I learned to adjust as soon as I could. Visitations to clients taught me more strategies in negotiating, budgeting and handling people. Training sessions in 2009 felt like running a marathon: teaching teachers to teach teens and children, presenting in front of fellow trainers, teaching kindergarten teachers, teaching TOEIC preparation for teachers and others. At work, I lived in the fast lane. And how do I know that? I barely had time to clean my drawers and my desk. I still have my term 1/2009 schedule taped on!!!
Beginning 2010, I have my new responsibilities. I don't think slowing down is going to be my resolution next year. There are so many things to do: problem analysing, surveying, setting objectives and then formulating my strategies. There has to be a reason why I am paired up with the present superior or why I'm posted in that branch. I won't even try to spend my time looking for answers. Yes, even when I know a lot of office politics and I do learn about a bigger 'plan' for me. Moving on and embracing what's in front of me is much more important. I'll take it slow and take the path God planned for me, even if it's not my personal choice. Anyhow, I have promised myself that I would stop when I just can't take it anymore. I have a feeling it's easier said than done.
Talk about grinning and bearing it, I ended something that I know I should have done a long time ago. It doesn't bring me any good, in fact, only torture, deceit and false hope. There is a reason why someone hangs on to the other for long, no matter how much that person is able to give and isn't willing to give up his hope, even if it is a false one: the feeling of being alone. I am glad that I could let go. For the sake of a bigger cause, I know I won't regret it.
I can't say the 2009 journey was all bad. Or all good. As they say, try to enjoy the journey for it perhaps is more important than the result.
On that note, allow me to share a verse of prayers that I have kept for a very very long time. The words give me peace in my most difficult times. I hope they do to you, too. It's written by William Spence in 1953:
But, family also gives me a reason to love life. To cherish it. Not to forget that there are other things I can achieve in life. I can still do some good.
Loving my nephew is such an easy thing. He is a reminder of my past and a hope of my family's future. Through the ordeals newly weds usually undergo, his parents struggle to fulfill his needs. Chipping in by buying him clothes, toys, everyday needs and chances to keep my sister and her hubby happy by cooking for them makes me feel I belong to a family.
My visits to Mom's relatives were more than social visits. I am so glad that I could clear things up. I should have visited my Dad's too then but time wasn't on my side. Oh my. Did I just write my first resolution?
I was lucky enough to have the chance to take my leave for those social visits. Work was hectic. The section I was in now only have two officers. I tried to help in any way I can though sometimes I felt that my colleague needed more help than I could offer. A change of leader brought new fresh air at work and I learned to adjust as soon as I could. Visitations to clients taught me more strategies in negotiating, budgeting and handling people. Training sessions in 2009 felt like running a marathon: teaching teachers to teach teens and children, presenting in front of fellow trainers, teaching kindergarten teachers, teaching TOEIC preparation for teachers and others. At work, I lived in the fast lane. And how do I know that? I barely had time to clean my drawers and my desk. I still have my term 1/2009 schedule taped on!!!
Beginning 2010, I have my new responsibilities. I don't think slowing down is going to be my resolution next year. There are so many things to do: problem analysing, surveying, setting objectives and then formulating my strategies. There has to be a reason why I am paired up with the present superior or why I'm posted in that branch. I won't even try to spend my time looking for answers. Yes, even when I know a lot of office politics and I do learn about a bigger 'plan' for me. Moving on and embracing what's in front of me is much more important. I'll take it slow and take the path God planned for me, even if it's not my personal choice. Anyhow, I have promised myself that I would stop when I just can't take it anymore. I have a feeling it's easier said than done.
Talk about grinning and bearing it, I ended something that I know I should have done a long time ago. It doesn't bring me any good, in fact, only torture, deceit and false hope. There is a reason why someone hangs on to the other for long, no matter how much that person is able to give and isn't willing to give up his hope, even if it is a false one: the feeling of being alone. I am glad that I could let go. For the sake of a bigger cause, I know I won't regret it.
I can't say the 2009 journey was all bad. Or all good. As they say, try to enjoy the journey for it perhaps is more important than the result.
On that note, allow me to share a verse of prayers that I have kept for a very very long time. The words give me peace in my most difficult times. I hope they do to you, too. It's written by William Spence in 1953:
- God,
- Grant me the serenity;
- To accept the things I cannot change;
- The courage, to change the things I can;
- And the wisdom, to know the difference.
- Living one day at a time;
- Enjoying one moment at a time;
- Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
- Taking, as He did, this sinful world
- As it is, not as I would have it;
- Trusting that He will make all things right
- If I surrender to His Will;
- So that I may be reasonably happy in this life
- And supremely happy with Him
- Forever and ever in the next.
In 2010, I'm looking at new hopes. For my family, friends, at work and in love.
Happy new year!!!
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