Have Faith in Instinct part Four - Fin

Divorce status settled, house sold, children are with her now with visitation rights for the father. Life seemed to move like a slow motion to her. She bought a piece of land with a hope that one day she could build a house AND a life. She still lives with her parents now (as always, family has been the source of her strength). To gain more independence and wider space to do her activities, she learned to drive. She's preparing all these and didn't tell me. As usual, she did all the homework and told me when they were all done.

That day when she called me and I was somewhere out of the island, she was in a taxi. She told me to never underestimate the power of an instinct. 'Never neglect how you feel towards someone but don't put your instinct aside.' she said. I sensed regrets in the way she talked. Regrets of marrying him, most of them. I learn how she felt (I may never be able to understand the feelings of being divorced from such a man from such a family in such manner, but I learn to understand it), but I didn't like her tone.

I told her that she probably decided to marry him because she didn't have the heart to let him go in a matter of days before the wedding day. Or she was challenged to change this guy to be a 'better' one. I told her that nine years was a very long time to be very patient. And because she had given her best 'effort', I demanded no regrets from her.

Later in the conversation, I told her the exact place where I answered her call three days before her reception, the exact words she said and the exact answers I gave her. That call was NINE years ago and I still could remember it like it was five minutes before I talked to her again that night. She usually pauses and says 'uh uh' or 'i see' when we have conversations by the phone but she was silent the entire time I recited the words of that horrible phone call. When I finished, I heard her voice and it's clear that she cried while listening to my words and was forced to cry in silence because she was in a cab.

I felt so guilty when I finished. I made her cry.
After she regained her composure, she told me that she was surprised I still remember everything. At the end of the conversation, she said, 'Please trust your instinct, Daff. Make a good family, that's your dream. But if you have no chance of making none, after all of these happening to me, I can understand why. Take your time. No rush.'

She hang up the phone. She was home already so it was impossible to talk about this matter in front of her kids. 'They are my star lights,' she said. She sounded happy. What she didn't know was that I cried a little afterwards. It was tears for the both of us.