Is There A Manual, Mom?

If you ask me about my Mom, my stories would take forever to tell. Mom, how should I say it, she has facets in diamond: complications are mixed with simplicity, bravery with free-will, intelligence with logic for survivals. Among other things.

Mom is the smartest among all her six siblings. She studied for a couple of years in the oldest university in Jogja. At the beginning, she wanted to be a pharmacist. Of all her mother's (that's my grandma, by the way) children, she was the only one who had no degree. She meant to continue her study, riding her bicycle to campus with me in her belly until I was eight month old. Then, she couldn't take it no more. She stayed home. Forever a housewife.

In the beginning of my parents' marriage, making ends meet was a challenge. She made use of her intelligence to balance income and spending. Borrowing money was out of the question. She used her creativity to make money: selling food and sewing neighbors' clothes. I remember she refused taking the fee and told them that all she wanted was a chance to practice her skills. Dad showed up on TV and got a reasonable fee besides his salary as an officer in the Air Force.

Back then Mom tried all: driving, being committee member of something, taking English courses, attending cooking lessons. Then when she was 38, a stroke hit her. She could barely move her left arm and she walked with difficulty. We proudly brought her to the mall, shopped with her, dined out because she loved to eat. She still cooked, ironed her own clothes at times, cleaned up, went up and down the stairs. She did her thing in any way she can. One way or another.

There is no questioning how strong-willed my Mom was. How physical being never stopped her from doing whatever she thought she could. She lived with the result of that stroke for sixteen years. I have never met ANYONE who could stand living with stroke THAT long. She is one of a kind. Or that's just me saying it, being her kid and all.

Looking at how my Mom lived her life: strong and proud, living life to the fullest, grabbing all chances available (no matter how small they are), I compare it with the way I live my life recently.

I give up so easily. I am impatient, I am not strong-willed. I escape from challenges, I break. I whine, I cry. I become grumpy, I complain. Maybe nobody knows these, but I have had them all. And perhaps, many more.

I wish my Mom had left me a manual. A manual of life's endurance. That would definitely make my life much easier to live. I think.