Confused

I was telling myself, 'Be ready.Be prepared for whatever is going to happen.It will all be alright.You worry too much. Be strong.' But I just couldn't help it. I was worried that my heart wouldn't be able to take it and I'd fainted.The idea of stopping everything because of something that might have happened to me crossed my mind. I know,it's crazy. It's religiously unacceptable. But I'm desperate. I'd think of any way to make it 'unhappened'.

Looking strong and spreading smiles here and there was a big struggle. Yet,like I said, dealing what's in my head is an even bigger one. I didn't really know how my face looked. I tried not to care.The only people I had to smile to were my Dad, my big family and probably my Dad's friends, just because I've known them for years and because they're my Mom's friends.

I was in a totally confused mode but I finally decided to get through it. One way or another.