Help Me to Move On

As the event started, I positioned myself facing them. 'Perhaps if I could see how happy he is, I'd feel better,' I thought.

I was right.
His tense face soon became bright with smile when the event was finally pronounced flawless and the legal bond was officially recognized by the government representative. I felt relieved too. There was the point of another beginning.

Beside me sat my aunt, the youngest from his side. She squeezed my hands and her face was wet with tears. I looked at everybody else sitting next to her, my other aunts, and they all did the same. 'What's up here?' I thought.

Later that day, when we prepared ourselves to go back to Jakarta, I was alone in the room with my granpa's sister from my Mom's side. I held her hands and said my thanks for representing my family in the occasion. She suddenly put her head to my chest and started crying. Though confused, I told her that everything would be alright and if I ever looked mellow that day was because I remembered Mom a lot. She cried harder but she didn't say a thing. I could only guess what she had on her mind or how she'd felt and I knew I could be wrong about it. That crying and hugging thing happened twice. Again I thought, 'What's up here?' When she's satisfied with her crying, she wiped her tears and she said,' We mustn't let him know what happens here.' I said nothing.Mostly because I'm confused why everyone was still in their mellow state when I had decided to move on. I forced a smile.And we joined the others who were outside.

When we said our goodbyes, my aunts asked me whether I'd join them to their hometown. Probably knowing that I'd be alone at home for the rest of the week and that I was not in my best emotional being. Others asked whether I'm going to be living alone, just with my brother. I know they were genuine questions because I know the people well. Mostly they're my Mom's friends.They are all very considerate.

Before the event took place, I'd shared with my family my worries, my fears, my feelings. We haven't met or talked for a month or more, but since we're family, I think they know what's on my mind. Their attention was placed at the wrong timing. It felt like a patronizing act. In fact, when I watched him so happy, I had decided to let go. I just wish that they'd help me to move on.... That's all I ask...