Lost

These past few days, I didn't have to call someone in the afternoon just to ask whether he's had lunch, pick anyone from work, bought dinner, be a good company or be a bedtime roommate. Basically, no one to take care of.

It's like when Mom passed away five years ago. I never left her side wherever she went. I was practically her shadow. When she's not around anymore, I felt useless. Not pleasant at all. And certainly, no fun.

Now, all I could do is just sending him texts asking about food he had every after-meal time because that's the safe topic besides the weather. :-) By 'safe' I mean 'safe' for me. I am afraid of the answer. But neither type of answer is actually 'safe'. If it's a good answer, I'd think how self-contented he is, being happy 'there'. But I don't expect it to be a bad answer either because a bad one, I swear, would make me sit behind the wheel and drive myself there in a sec.

Just like my friends always tell me, get something to do. Get a house to get busy. Enroll in a course to kill time. Look for a partner to have your own family. Get out more often with friends to set the mind aside from it.

I know my foot is still attached to the here-and-now-full-of-melancholic-bu*%*!it-worried-future-fear knot, but I still have another. Moving on is what I want.